I've been POO'ed!

Oh man...I don't get paid nearly enough.  This afternoon, around 2:05, as I'm sitting on my teaching stool at the front of the room, watching the kids finish up their math, I become aware of a pungent smell.  Oh no.  Poop.  I think to myself, "Maybe it's just gas.  It will go away."  Hmmm...nope.  Nope, that is definitely poop.  Maybe someone didn't do such a good job cleaning themselves up.  Sure, that must be it.  Nope.  That is DEFINITELY poop.  So I discreetly glance under the desks near me, looking, dreading, wondering where the offending surprise would be.  Nope.  Nowhere to be seen.  So I stand up and take a few steps back, thinking it's somewhere I can't see from my chair.  Then...I see it.  Brown smudges on the carpet.  One, two, three, four, in a little trail leading to...MY FOOT!  AAAHHH!  In horror, I lift up my foot...and there on the bottom of my FAVORITE "shooties" is a glob of mushed SHIT!!  At this point there is no discretion.  I couldn't help my reaction.  "AH sick!  There is poop on my shoe!" I exclaimed.  "UUUUGGGH!" screams 19 fourth graders.  (Hey, one is missing...wonder who THAT could be!  The culprit, perhaps?)  So I hobble to the back sink, remove the shoe, at this point I'm dry heaving, and with about 10 paper towels I attempt to wipe this hideous glob off my shoe.  It is NOT GOING ANYWHERE.  Dumping the paper towels, I now hold the sole of my shoe under the faucet, my eyes watering at the stench.  Finally it softens to the point that I can wipe the rest off with some towels.  Sick.  Can't put that shoe back on for a while.  Hobbling to the phone, I call the office for custodial attention: "Meg, I've got a code brown, repeat, that's a code brown."  "Oh," says Meg, "Tigger's friend has paid you a visit?"  "Yes, that's right.  I've been poo'ed."  So, as I'm attempting to calm the children...learning is done for the day...I wait for someone, anyone, to come down and get the poo out of the carpet.  Finally I call back down and get Karlene, "Karlene, can you let them know that it's not a log sitting on the floor, it's actually mushed into the carpet because I STEPPED in it before I saw it!?"  Eventually Phil comes to check it out.  He can't help right away because, guess what!?  He's in the bathroom cleaning up another poo mess.  But right after the bell rings, Javier will be down with the carpet cleaner.  Thank God it's 2:25 at this point!  Ugh.  Ugh. Ugh.  So many questions roll through my mind.  The biggest one is: REALLY?  REALLY?????  Fourth grade???  It's not like I chain them to their desks.  If you gotta go, please, by all means, go!  REALLY??????  And how did the thing roll UNDER the overhead cart for my unfortunate right foot to encounter it???

Oh yuck.  I hope I can bring myself to wear those shoes again, I really like them...